Advice Hound

JUST A THOUGHT

It’s important to communicate what you want out of a relationship right up front. Being coy or playing games is counter productive. If you truly just want a good time, then tell the person you are only in the relationship for laughs. If you are looking to settle down, then make sure the person you are dating knows after the first few dates. You don’t have to be aggressive about it, just let them know where you are in your life and what you want in a relationship. If they aren’t willing or ready to mirror your expectations, politely and in a friendly way move on. It will save a lot of frustration, and possibly tears, down the road.

Hi all. As promised, Advice Hound is sponsoring a weekly giveaway. This week, we are giving away the book “Start Your Own Business on Ebay” by Jacquelyn Lynn and Entrepreneur Press.

How do you win this book you may ask? Simply send a question for advice to question@advicehound.com. You may send as many questions as you would like and each question will be considered a separate entry. You have until Sunday July 12,2009 at 11:59  pm EST to enter.  We will draw a name at random and contact you via email for your mailing address. In the event you do not respond to your email within 48 hours, another name will be drawn.

Just a note. Only submit questions that are publishable. Any inappropriate questions (you know what we mean) will be disregarded. We will publish the winner next week at which time we will have another giveaway.

Thank you and good luck!

Dear AH:

Recently I was contacted on a social website by an ex-roommate. When we lived together several years ago, she was a nightmare. She was very sneaky and nosey. For instance, I would have a private telephone conversation in my room. Later in the week, she would ask me questions which she could only have thought to ask based on the private call. Clearly, she was eavesdropping. It was always something like that. Anyway, I was glad to move out and never had the desire to ever speak to her again. I know this sounds crazy, but I feel like I’m being rude just ignoring her, yet I really don’t want to have any contact with her either. Should I just go ahead and ‘friend her’ or should I ignore her request?

Dear AH:

My husband and I occasionally go to dinner with another couple who I will call ‘Sarah’ and ‘Bill’. They are very nice people separately, but when they are together it is just a series of name calling and insults. My husband and Bill are very close friends and Sarah and I often go shopping or to lunch. We both enjoy the time we spend with them, but I just can’t stand another meal sitting quietly listening to their fighting. It has gotten to the point that we have been asked on more than one occasion to leave a restaurant by the management due to the loud fighting. My husband just laughs it off, but I’m over it.

Recently, Sarah asked if we would like to join them for a few weeks at their vacation house. My husband is all for it so that we can get away, but I just don’t want to deal with these people for several weeks. How do I get out of this without hurting everybody’s feelings and making my husband mad.

We at AH know a couple just like that-super nice, but just not meant for each other. You need to be honest with your husband and let him know that you can’t take this couple together anymore and will not spend a few (probably miserable) weeks with them. As for Sarah and Bill, tell them straight out that you will not be able to make it. Since your husband and Bill are very close, your husband may want to have a talk with Bill about the public verbal boxing matches and let him know that you all won’t be joining them couple activities anytime soon. Maybe the conversation will make Bill realize that there is a problem in the marriage that needs to be addressed. Regardless, it’s most important that you and your husband communicate and talk about the kind of friends and activities you want to associate with. Don’t let this couple’s problems spill over into your own marriage.

First of all, we just want to commend you for being such a caring family member. It’s people like you that make the world a better place. We here at AH are dealing with a chronic illness, so we understand where your uncle is coming from. It can be hard to separate yourself from the diagnosis and want to have a pity party, but it serves no purpose. We recommend that you sit down and have a frank discussion with your uncle about his attitude and ask what you can do to help him get out of his funk. Remind him that he has friends and family who love and care about him and want to help, but that he has to want the help and take some personal responsibility for his health. It might not hurt to offer to help him get some counseling or join a support group to help him better deal his health problems and his emotional state. We wish you and your uncle the best!

JUST A THOUGHT

The old adage is true ‘Health is Wealth’ and there is nothing more important than trying to maintain your health. Unfortunately, sometimes health issues arise which are out of our control, but you still need to do whatever is in your power to manage and control those aspects which are controllable. Specifically, eat a diet recommended by your physician, get regular physical exercise (to the extent your illness allows), take your medications as directed and try to develop a positive attitude. These things, in conjunction with developing healthy personal relationships and seeking mental support, will help ensure a quality life regardless of your diagnosis.