Advice Hound

Dear AH:

About six months ago, my boyfriend of five years broke up with me for seemingly no reason. He said he just wasn’t feeling it anymore. As if that wasn’t bad enough, I found out from a mutual friend that he is engaged. Needless to say, I was devastated. I called him to ask if he had been cheating on me the whole time and he said that he never cheated, but he did meet this girl right after we broke up and he just knew she was the one. When I asked him why it took him five years to figure out that I wasn’t the one, he just kind of laughed like it was a joke. I was so mad that I hung up the phone, but now I really want to know the answer. It’s been a couple of weeks now and I’ve cooled off enough to have an adult conversation, but my sister says that if I call back now I’ll look like a pathetic psycho. She may be right, but it’s killing me. Do you think I should call or am I being nuts.

 Dear Not:

First of all, you are good enough. You and your ex just weren’t right for each other. It doesn’t make either one of you bad people. Just be glad that you didn’t marry this guy and have kids to find out it wasn’t going to work out.

 Also, your sister is right. Do not call this guy. This is the past, so let it go. Clearly he is moving on and so should you. We know it hurts, because trust us, several of us have been down this road before, but it can do no good contacting your ex. Just learn from this experience and open your heart to new love and new experiences. It may take awhile to get over the sting, but eventually you will. Good luck and hang in there.

My husband and I recently had a big church wedding with about 200 guests. It was a great day and it seemed everybody really enjoyed themselves. Everybody kept remarking how calm we both were and that we should be nervous. The reason we weren’t nervous is because we were married over a year before this wedding in a civil ceremony for legal reasons. No one except our parents know about this, not even my or my husbands siblings. We were going to tell everyone, but were worried that they would not take the church wedding serious (we are both very religious and getting married in the Church was important to us). Our question is this, should we tell everybody about the civil ceremony or just keep it secret? I know for certain that a few people would be very upset with us if they knew. Thanks.

 Dear AH:

Sometimes it’s hard to keep a smile on when everything is crumbling around you. It’s easy for someone to say ‘Keep your chin up’, but its hard to actually do it. Without knowing exactly the nature of the crap that’s been happening, all we can offer is this: Things are going to happen which you will have no control over. The only thing you can control is your attitude and how you respond to it. Try and focus on what’s going right and ride out the storm. Good luck with everything.

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