Advice Hound

Archive for May, 2009

    My father died fifteen years ago.  After an initial grieving period, my siblings and I encouraged our Mom to start dating, but she refused saying my Dad was the only man she could ever love.  Last weekend we had a big family gathering and it came out that she has started dating my uncle (Dad’s brother) who I’ll call ‘Ron’.  Ron was really great to us after Dad died and stepped in to help our whole family adjust.  They seem very happy together and I’ve not seen Mom like this since Dad was alive.  Ron is a really nice guy and we all love him as an uncle, but his being with our Mom is kind of creepy.   In fact, we all agree that this should just end.  What is the best way to go about telling them to end this relationship without upsetting everyone involved?  -

Dear No Mo’:

    It is completely understandable that you are not crazy about having your uncle and your mother dating.  Trust me, I get it, but at the same time you can’t ask your mother to end a relationship just because you are uncomfortable.  Clearly, this is not something she just jumped into after the passing of your father.  It has taken fifteen years for her open her heart again and it would be an injustice to her to ask her to close it just because you and your siblings are bothered with the situation.  I suggest you deal with your issues yourself either by discussing them with your siblings or a counselor. 

Dear AH:

    One of my best friends is married to a terrific guy.  He is nice, caring and a great provider.  She recently confided to me that she is having an affair and that its not the first time.  I told her she should just stop it and that she could be ruining her marriage.  She agrees that her husband is a nice guy, but she loves the excitement of having a lover on the side.  Should I tell her husband what’s going on?  I love my friend, but I do not agree with what she is doing.  –

Dear Hiding:

    There is only one thing to say here- mind your own business!  I know that sounds harsh, but it’s true.  For all you know, your friend’s husband knows all about the affairs, but chooses to let his wife get it out of her system.  Regardless, their marriage is none of your business.  If you are truly uncomfortable talking about it, tell your friend to keep this part of her life to herself. 

Dear AH: 

    I am in a great relationship with an awesome guy.  He is everything I ever dreamed up.  The problem is I still find myself flirting with strangers.  It never goes any further than a drink or the passing of a fake phone number, but I just can’t help myself.  I love my boyfriend and would never hurt him, but I just can’t seem to stop.  Please tell me what I can do to be the girl he deserves.  –

Dear Flirtin’:

    Is this the first healthy relationship you’ve been in because it sounds like it to me.  People who have had a string of bad relationships tend to always try and have an option out on the horizon for when things fall apart (and they always do).  Now that you are dating a good guy, you are having trouble breaking this trend.  You have to take a leap of faith and give your heart to one person.  It might get broken or it might not, but until you rid yourself of the notion that you might need a boyfriend in the wings, you are just going to keep repeating this behavior.   The next time you find yourself flirting, just completely remove yourself from the situation.  Eventually, you’ll get your blinders on.  Good luck!