Advice Hound

Dear AH:
    
     My girlfriend and I have been dating for about three years.  She has a four year old daughter from a previous relationship who I absolutely adore.  In fact, I redecorated one of the bedrooms in my house just for her for when she and her mom stay over.  Her mom took this as a sign that I want to marry her.  Here’s the problem- I really want to break-up with my girlfriend.  In reality, if it wasn’t for her daughter I probably would have broken up with her long ago.  What should I do?  – No Love for the Mom

Dear No Love:

    First off, what’s with decorating a bedroom for a child that’s not related to you?  Secondly, you have a serious dilemma.  In fact, it’s more serious than you can image.   I think it’s great that you get along so well with the daughter, but you have to realize that your girlfriend and her daughter are a package deal.  This child could be seriously damaged emotionally becoming so attached to a ‘father figure’ only to have you break off the relationship with the mother down the line.  By your own admission, you do not love your girlfriend.  That being the case, you need to end this relationship immediately for the sake of everyone involved. 

Dear AH:

    My husband is great and we have always had a very open and caring relationship, but there is only one problem.  I lied to my husband about the amount of money I owe.   He came into the relationship completely debt free.  I have a lot of student loans (about $150,000) and told him about those, but I didn’t tell him about the huge credit card debt I’m in (about $45,000).  I have all my accounts set up for online statements so that he can’t find out, but this constant worry and deception is taking a toll on me and I think it will eventually show in our marriage.  I don’t want to sneak around anymore, but I’m scared. Please tell me what to do! – Financial Infidel

Dear Infidel:

    I understand that this is a sticky and scary subject, but there is really only one answer to this problem-come clean.  Sit him down and tell him the entire, whole truth. Have statements and paperwork ready as proof of our honesty about the true total debt.  Also, after you give him the number, have a plan on how you are going to deal with this (ie payment plans, therapy).  He’s probably not going to be happy, but, if you have a great marriage like you stated, he will hang in there with you. 

Dear AH:

    I know this is a stupid problem, but I can’t seem to quit worrying all the time.  I worry about everything from is there going to be another world war to what if I’m late for work.  I know it counter productive and a waste of energy, but I just can’t help it.  My friends tease me saying I’m becoming a manic, but it’s gotten so bad that I having trouble sleeping.  I just sit up all night watching the news and finding new stuff to worry about.  Help! -  Worry Obsessed

Dear Obsessed:

    There’s an old saying that goes ‘Worry is interest paid on fear.’  More to the point, worry is, well, pointless.  Worrying is not going to change anything.  I think you need to redirect your attention.  Get some exercise, spend time with friends, get a hobby, see a movie.  What I’m saying is use your time on this world to enjoy the life given to you.  If you feel like you still can’t get over your anxiety, I recommend talking to a therapist that can help you work through your fear issues and possibly prescribe some relaxation techniques to help you deal with your situation.   Good luck and I wish you the best.